Rawr

I'm a happy person. Like, legitimately happy. I just realized that a few weeks ago.
This is going to sound snobby and presumptuous, but I've been through a lot of crap in my life. I've caused a lot of it, but I've also been the subject of some of it. I realized that I dwell on things a lot. Like, if I know that I've done something bad that I feel horrible about, I can't forgive myself for it and I just keep beating myself up about it.
A few weeks ago, I just forgave myself. Like that. I don't know how it happened, but it just did. I still stress out over things (Oh, yeah, there's lots of that), but I just... I don't know. There's a sense of peace to my life now. I know, corny, right? But it's true. I just realized that I really am a really lucky person. I'm alive (that's always nice), I have a great family who loves me, and I have friends that I would give my life for (that's not even a joke). This year has been...eventful, to say the least. I've had highs and lows. But this year I've learned to love my friends and family at a new level. Also very corny. I have a very corny life. I like corn... Especially the way they make it at Chili's. Chili's has really attractive waitstaff. Like this one guy named Jesus (pronounced hay-soos). ANYWAY. Yes, there was a period earlier this year where I felt like my friends just hung out around me because they felt sorry for me or something. It might be true. But I realized that as long as I love them, it doesn't matter. I heard on an episode of Samantha Who (my new obssession since I finished Ugly Betty) that "the joy in life is not in hearing the words 'I love you', but in being lucky enough to say them". SO MUCH CORN. But seriously, it's true. Who knew that The TV was good sometimes? I also learned (from Samantha Who) that rich people smell like cupcakes. Yum.

Meh meh meh

I was watching this show called The Gates earlier. It started off decently. Then right as there was about the be a steamy, passionate makeout scene, the lady reared her head and sunk her fangs into the dude's neck... At this point, I threw my hands into the air in exasperation. Yet another vampire show.
I blame Stephanie Meyer. She ruined vampires are werewolfs for me. Don't get me wrong, when Twilight first came out, I was a huge fan (I don't really like them any more, though). I used to love all of those tacky horror movies with vampires and whatnot. But recently, they have been running rampant! I walked into Barnes and Noble the other day and meandered over to the Teen section to find a book to read before the movie we were about to see (yeah, I read during the previews sometimes, sue me). To my shock, there were (are you ready?) 4 rows of a genre called "Teen Paranormal Romance"... 4 out of 6 rows. That left me with 2 rows of books that I was in the mood for. Sigh. I ended up getting one called Falling In Love With English Boys... No regrets. Anyway, I'm not slamming Stephanie Meyer or anything, I'm just saying that this whole obsession with vampires and stuff has gotten a bit out of control.
Oh, also, I'm thinking about not blogging on this one any more because no one really reads it. I do have another blog, though, with one of my friends where we talk about Broadway and stuff. It's pretty cool. --> http://variousbearsonbroadway.blogspot.com/. We also have a tumblr under the same name. Alright, arivaderci!

Copying Micaela. Sorry!

So, I logged on to blogspot this morning to read some of my friends' blog posts (they are truly brilliant). Then I saw one that my friend Micaela had posted about gay rights and whatnot. The title drew me in. I started reading and I was very moved. So, I hope that you don't mind, Micaela, but I am going to do a mini-post about the same thing.
I have some close family members and friends who are homosexual. I also have a few close family members who are. I'm not going to trash the people who make fun and condemn homosexual people because they are ignorant. Truly, undeniably ignorant. Now, does that mean that I support their views? Oh, hell no. I strongly disagree with "gay-bashers" and all people of the sort. I believe that the Catholic Church has a lot of things going for it. There are a lot of good teachings in there. However, one of the things I strongly disagree with is it's stand on homosexuals. The Church acknowledges that people are born gay and that they do not freely choose to become so. I like that teaching because I agree with it. However, they go on to say that homosexuals can't have sex. Why? Because they can't get married. Why? Because marriage is supposed to be some sacred bond formed between two people who love each other. The two reasons for marriage are this: sharing love and baby-making. Now, the Catholic Church says that two people get married to have children. But, what about women who are barren and can't have children? The Church allows them to get married. So, as we see here, their marriage would be solely out of love. What I don't understand is why the Church would let someone who can't have children get married, but it refuses to let homosexuals get married. They can't have children either, but that doesn't mean they don't love each other just as much. Furthermore, the Church goes on to say that homosexual sex is a mortal sin. The establishment that tells us to love until it hurts is telling us that you will go to hell for loving someone of the same gender? I just think that's wrong. Who knows, maybe the Catholic Church is right, but I just don't understand how.
Basically, I think the Church should stay out of peoples' bedrooms. (My haircut lady said that. I thought it was cool. She's a cool chick.)
So, I basically talked about the religious views in this post. Micaela covered more about society's view on homosexuals. She and I hold basically the same views, so if you want to (I highly suggest), you should go read her blog. It's excellent. *click on the hyperlink below!*

http://expectnosense.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2011-04-24T11%3A59%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=2

Thanks for reading!

Tiny posts maybe?

Yes. I haven't posted on here in a while. Okay, well, I did, but then I deleted the last post because it made me feel silly (and not in the good way). Anyhow, I haven't been blogging because I always feel like I should only blog if the topic at hand can be talked about a whole lot. Since I am a scatter-brained person, I have a hard time staying on topic, so I can't talk about things for a long time. Now you see my dilemma. So, now I have decided only typing tiny posts because I can handle those. Think of them as bite-sized candy bars. With nuts because I'm a little crazy sometimes. That pun sounded way better in my head. Heh. That happens a lot. I really like puns. And Ugly Betty. I've been watching Ugly Betty all day instead of doing my research paper. I should be the president of the procrastiNATION! Heh, get it? Like a nation has a president and procrastination has the word nation...in...it... Yeah. Puns. I don't have anything else to talk about and it bugs me. OH, WELL!

Just stuff, I guess

First blog in a while. I am aware. I've just been really busy, seriously. I hate having to say that. Honestly? I HAVE been super busy. Every weekend for the past 3 months has been scheduled to the max. Damn, even though it's true, I hate having to say it. Why? Because no one believes it. I mean, sure, they say "Oh, alright. I get it. We can just reschedule. :)", they really mean "Really? If you don't want to come over, just say so". Or maybe that's just me being paranoid. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Anyway. Spring Break. I looked foward to it so much! It's a break from school, who wouldn't? But, let's just say, it started off less that optimal. Our break, unlike other schools, started off on Friday because we're a private school and we can do that. So, I woke up on Friday morning and breathed a sigh of relief! A whole week without homework! Okay, that's a lie, but it wasn't being regularly assigned. Since it was, after all, a break, I slept in until 10. That's the latest I've slept in since... 4th grade? I loved it. So, after getting ready, my mom came in and asked if I wanted to go out and eat to celebrate. Of course I did, she offered to take me to Casa Ole. How could I refuse (it's my favorite restaurant ever)? She tossed me the keys and told me to drive there. I'm a good driver. I really am. I don't speed (okay, well, maybe a little bit. But only because people on the freeway always speed), I never run red lights. I stop at all stop signs and look both ways before heading out into the street. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Car accidents happen sometimes. I get it. My dad has had a few. But I never thought I would get into one. Don't worry, it's not nearly as bad as it sounds. I was going straight (from a straight or turn lane) and a woman (from a straight only lane) pulled left in front of me. This is going to sound extremely cliche, but it's true: it went in slow motion. True, we were only going about 30 mph, so it wasn't that fast to begin with, but the sound of the cars colliding seemed like forever. The other driver and I pulled into some small parking lot. I was terrified. Crying and shaking. Gimme a break, I had just turned 16 and I had already gotten into an accident. Then, to make matters worse, this large woman stepped out of the driver's side and slammed her door (well, she attempted to. It just sprang back open). She had sunglasses and a look that could kill puppies on her face. Oh, and she was covered in tatoos. Normally, tatoos don't scare me, but right then, those stars seemed as if they were staring into my soul. Then, she started to claim that I was in a turn only lane and should have turned, which led to my breaking down crying again. She called the cops and we waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, an hour later, a cop car pulled out. After talking to us, he inspected both cars, listened to our stories, and said to me "I think she's right. I think that's a must turn lane. Let's see". We turned to face the intersection where the collision had happened. The cop said (to me) "If the people in the far lane all turn, you're getting the ticket. If they don't, she'll be getting it". This moment seemed almost as intense as the battle scene during 300 (okay, I haven't actually seen the movie, but I've heard it's pretty intense). We waited for the light to turn green. When it finally did, the first car turned left. My spirits fell. I almost began to cry again, but then I looked up. Every car behind that one began going straight! REJOICE! TAKE THAT, TATOO LADY! Long story short, she got the ticket and I got Chile Con Queso and Tacos, courtesy of my wonderful mother. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Okay, admittedly, that really sucked (the accident, not the queso). But everything after that was amazing. We went to my grandma and step-grandpa's house to celebrate my family birthday. We were about to start eating dinner when the doorbell rang. I looked at the door and there was my grandpa! I hardly ever get to see him because he lives in...*shudder* Lubbock. Anyway, we ate and I got some presents (a tower of candy. Literally). After that we went geocaching. Never heard of it? You're missing out. It's like treasure hunting in urban areas. People go and hide these Geocaching boxes and then they post the coordinates on the geacaching website. Then, if you want to go and find one, you plug in the coordinates and go a'searching! I know it might seem immature, but it's so much fun. I've always wanted to be an explorer. This is my chance. In addition to the geocaching, I saw my family almost every day that week. So much fun. Unlike the majority of teenagers my age, I really love my family. They are the people I know I can trust to love me unconditionally, but who will also be straight with me if I've done something I shouldn't have. I had a sleepover with my little cousins, whom I love to death and we jumped around and sang Kryptonite, built Legos and had a pillow pet fight. Yeah, I have a pillow pet. It's a lady bug named Bug-a-boo. If you've got a problem with that, I really don't care. I am proud of who I am. I'm a 16 year old girl. I get scared. I am happy, but I get sad sometimes. I love acting like a little kid. I go back and fix typos in my blog and on texts(when I see them, that is), not so the other person thinks I can spell well, but because typos just really bug me. I love biology and history. I am a self-proclaimed nerd. I don't really like talking on the phone too much. I love late-night conversations at sleep-overs. I've gone through a lot of crap in my life, but I'm still an optimist and (even though I can't prove Him and He doesn't make sense to me) I now beleive in God. I talk to my dogs and cats. I have a past, but I also have a future. That's who I am, and I'm not changing for anyone anymore. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alright, that seemed a little out of place... But it felt right to me. Didn't I feel right to you? Okay, I'm talking to the computer again, I think it's time to stop. Haha, until next time!

Who says school is obligatory?

I am in World History class right now. We are being lectured at by a random man at the moment. I would be paying attention, but I don't know who this man is, so I am drifting off.

I've been thinking about my future a lot lately. Besides being discouraged by my counselor - she basically told me that I wouldn't be getting into the college of my dreams -, I am, overall, pretty optimistic about getting into college and getting a job.
When I was little, I wanted to do a lot of things. I wanted to be a dentist, a vet, a firefighter/cop, lawyer, doctor, stand-up comedian, journalist and, probably at one point, a Disney princess. I was an ambitious little child. Very inquisitive. Today I...well, I still don't know completely. But I have some ideas: forensic anthropologist/investigator, restaurant owner, oncologist, author, record producer, singer, psychologist, etc. As you can see, I still have a plethora of potential jobs, so not much has changed in that aspect. But these ones sound fancier!
College. Jeez, that's intimidating. Two and a half years away. Now, that's downright terrifying. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely excited for college (preferably out-of-state, but I have been informed by my mother that I will only achieve that dream if I win the lottery or get a million half-time jobs), but I am also kind of freaked out by the idea. I mean, the transition into high school was just completely blundering (that was right in the middle of my "awkward phase". Actually, that phase isn't over yet, but I have faith!). But college? Moving out of home to go to a school at least five times bigger than my current school? That's scary. But I still have high hopes for it. I'm not going to talk about the whole freedom bit (although, it's completely true) because it is overdone. I am simply looking foward to learning. Yeah, I know. I'm a nerd. What a shocker! I actually get to choose the classes that I want to take! Oh, and boys. Did I mention boys? I don't think I did. I go to an all-girls school currently... 'Nuff said. Co-ed school will be a nice change.
Okay, I know that right now I'm all pumped about all of the freedom of college and stuff, but to be perfectly honest, I bet you that I will be one of those kids who spends tons of money to go to college out of school (maybe I will marry rich) only to get extremely homesick. After which I will probably drop out of said college to return home and take classes at a local community college...

...

...

Not really though. I mean, I'll get homesick, but not that much.

Alright, awkward man has stopped talking, so I should pay attention to the teacher now.

Farewell, brethren!

A Serious Post

Okay, obviously, I haven't been keeping up with this blog.
So I'm not going to promise to keep up with it, but I'm going to post every now and then when I have time.
This post is going to be really long. If you don't feel like readin it, feel free to skip.
Just saying.

Alright, we're jumping in here. I have no idea what I'm going to talk about. It's like bungee jumping off of the Golden Gate Bridge with a jump rope. Wait...that doesn't actually make sense. Never mind that. Ach, I don't know what I'm doing. This is just really awkward.

Okay, I'm ready.

Being a teenager really sucks sometimes. I know, typical teenage outlook on life. But honestly, it does. I mean, I have been so stressed out lately, it's ridiculous. And, don't get me wrong, I'm not getting stressed out for the hell of it. I have my reasons. But the amount of stress does not corelate with the events in my life. Looking at my life, I realize that there are a few dramatic things in it, but not so much that it should stress me out to this extent. That is why being a teenager sucks. Due to raging hormones and other various body chemicals, every single thing that happens in life seems like a giant...snake-viking-monster. With an ax. That shoots lightening out of the tip. And that's all I've got right now.

Just kidding.
Oh, and by the way, I realize that this is extremely unorganized, but please just cope with me. I need a little while to get back into the swing of this whole "blogging" thing.

Death.
At this point of the blog, you might be thinking something along the lines of "Oh, God. Yet another emo child". Just hear me out.
Some people, the fortunate few (alliteration is fun!), are lucky enough to have not become familiar with death...yet. Everyone has their run-ins with death. Either by dying or experiencing the death of a loved one.
Your first run-in with death is the one that stays with you for the rest of your life.
For those of you who have not dealt with death on a personal level, you should feel fortunate. Sure, you cried at the death of your favorite book or movie character. You got emotional as the hero of the movie fell of a cliff to his tragic death. You may have even had to deal with a friend who lost a family member.
But if you have not personally lost someone, you have no idea about the impact of a death.
When I was about six years old, I had a friend named Sasha. I went to a very small school in first grade, so everyone was friends with everyone else. However, inevitabley, certain people were closer to certain people than they are to others. I had four very close friends (Let's call them Alan, Cara, and Maria. I don't like using real names in blog posts. Well, except for Sasha. That was her real name, in case you were wondering). We sat with each other every day and we would always go out and play soccer during recess. One day, during class, Alan, Cara, Maria and I were sitting with our class in a circle on the floor when we noticed that Sasha wasn't at school that day. We just figured that she must have had a cold or something of the sort. Later that day, our teacher was called out into the hallway to talk to someone. When she came back into the classroom, her eyes were red and her brow was furrowed. She gathered us all into the middle of the room and told us that our friend, Sasha, had cancer. Leukemia, to be exact.
We had no idea what that meant. We thought it was probably something like strepp throat or the flu.
For the next few months, we barely ever saw Sasha because, as we were told, she was getting help at the hospital for her condition. I think that is the moment when we all realized how serious the situation was.
When Sasha finally came back to school for a few days, she looked completely different. She had lost tons of weight and she had no more hair (due to the chemotherapy).
Alan, Cara, Maria and I were playing soccer outside when Sasha came running towards us. We noticed that she looked different, but we didn't care. We all ran up and hugged her. After a few seconds, Sasha broke down crying and said "You guys still remember me!".
Those words still echo in my memory today.
I am extremely proud of how my group of friends reacted. Children are great. They don't care how you look. They love you for who you are.

A few months later, we were told that Sasha had passed away in her mother's arms.
Our class was excused to go attend her funeral. I couldn't stop crying during the whole thing. Her mother went up and gave the eulogy for her six year old daughter. I can't help but have a massive amount of respect for that woman. That must have taken a lot of strength.

I still think about Sasha every now and then.
Now, this post might seem pretty random, but I assure you that it is not.
Sasha died abou ten years ago this month.
The point of this is that death isn't something that is forgotten. You carry it around with you forever. The pain of loss, yes. But also the fond memories and the great influences that these people had on your life.