Just stuff, I guess

First blog in a while. I am aware. I've just been really busy, seriously. I hate having to say that. Honestly? I HAVE been super busy. Every weekend for the past 3 months has been scheduled to the max. Damn, even though it's true, I hate having to say it. Why? Because no one believes it. I mean, sure, they say "Oh, alright. I get it. We can just reschedule. :)", they really mean "Really? If you don't want to come over, just say so". Or maybe that's just me being paranoid. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Anyway. Spring Break. I looked foward to it so much! It's a break from school, who wouldn't? But, let's just say, it started off less that optimal. Our break, unlike other schools, started off on Friday because we're a private school and we can do that. So, I woke up on Friday morning and breathed a sigh of relief! A whole week without homework! Okay, that's a lie, but it wasn't being regularly assigned. Since it was, after all, a break, I slept in until 10. That's the latest I've slept in since... 4th grade? I loved it. So, after getting ready, my mom came in and asked if I wanted to go out and eat to celebrate. Of course I did, she offered to take me to Casa Ole. How could I refuse (it's my favorite restaurant ever)? She tossed me the keys and told me to drive there. I'm a good driver. I really am. I don't speed (okay, well, maybe a little bit. But only because people on the freeway always speed), I never run red lights. I stop at all stop signs and look both ways before heading out into the street. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Car accidents happen sometimes. I get it. My dad has had a few. But I never thought I would get into one. Don't worry, it's not nearly as bad as it sounds. I was going straight (from a straight or turn lane) and a woman (from a straight only lane) pulled left in front of me. This is going to sound extremely cliche, but it's true: it went in slow motion. True, we were only going about 30 mph, so it wasn't that fast to begin with, but the sound of the cars colliding seemed like forever. The other driver and I pulled into some small parking lot. I was terrified. Crying and shaking. Gimme a break, I had just turned 16 and I had already gotten into an accident. Then, to make matters worse, this large woman stepped out of the driver's side and slammed her door (well, she attempted to. It just sprang back open). She had sunglasses and a look that could kill puppies on her face. Oh, and she was covered in tatoos. Normally, tatoos don't scare me, but right then, those stars seemed as if they were staring into my soul. Then, she started to claim that I was in a turn only lane and should have turned, which led to my breaking down crying again. She called the cops and we waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, an hour later, a cop car pulled out. After talking to us, he inspected both cars, listened to our stories, and said to me "I think she's right. I think that's a must turn lane. Let's see". We turned to face the intersection where the collision had happened. The cop said (to me) "If the people in the far lane all turn, you're getting the ticket. If they don't, she'll be getting it". This moment seemed almost as intense as the battle scene during 300 (okay, I haven't actually seen the movie, but I've heard it's pretty intense). We waited for the light to turn green. When it finally did, the first car turned left. My spirits fell. I almost began to cry again, but then I looked up. Every car behind that one began going straight! REJOICE! TAKE THAT, TATOO LADY! Long story short, she got the ticket and I got Chile Con Queso and Tacos, courtesy of my wonderful mother. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Okay, admittedly, that really sucked (the accident, not the queso). But everything after that was amazing. We went to my grandma and step-grandpa's house to celebrate my family birthday. We were about to start eating dinner when the doorbell rang. I looked at the door and there was my grandpa! I hardly ever get to see him because he lives in...*shudder* Lubbock. Anyway, we ate and I got some presents (a tower of candy. Literally). After that we went geocaching. Never heard of it? You're missing out. It's like treasure hunting in urban areas. People go and hide these Geocaching boxes and then they post the coordinates on the geacaching website. Then, if you want to go and find one, you plug in the coordinates and go a'searching! I know it might seem immature, but it's so much fun. I've always wanted to be an explorer. This is my chance. In addition to the geocaching, I saw my family almost every day that week. So much fun. Unlike the majority of teenagers my age, I really love my family. They are the people I know I can trust to love me unconditionally, but who will also be straight with me if I've done something I shouldn't have. I had a sleepover with my little cousins, whom I love to death and we jumped around and sang Kryptonite, built Legos and had a pillow pet fight. Yeah, I have a pillow pet. It's a lady bug named Bug-a-boo. If you've got a problem with that, I really don't care. I am proud of who I am. I'm a 16 year old girl. I get scared. I am happy, but I get sad sometimes. I love acting like a little kid. I go back and fix typos in my blog and on texts(when I see them, that is), not so the other person thinks I can spell well, but because typos just really bug me. I love biology and history. I am a self-proclaimed nerd. I don't really like talking on the phone too much. I love late-night conversations at sleep-overs. I've gone through a lot of crap in my life, but I'm still an optimist and (even though I can't prove Him and He doesn't make sense to me) I now beleive in God. I talk to my dogs and cats. I have a past, but I also have a future. That's who I am, and I'm not changing for anyone anymore. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alright, that seemed a little out of place... But it felt right to me. Didn't I feel right to you? Okay, I'm talking to the computer again, I think it's time to stop. Haha, until next time!

A Serious Post

Okay, obviously, I haven't been keeping up with this blog.
So I'm not going to promise to keep up with it, but I'm going to post every now and then when I have time.
This post is going to be really long. If you don't feel like readin it, feel free to skip.
Just saying.

Alright, we're jumping in here. I have no idea what I'm going to talk about. It's like bungee jumping off of the Golden Gate Bridge with a jump rope. Wait...that doesn't actually make sense. Never mind that. Ach, I don't know what I'm doing. This is just really awkward.

Okay, I'm ready.

Being a teenager really sucks sometimes. I know, typical teenage outlook on life. But honestly, it does. I mean, I have been so stressed out lately, it's ridiculous. And, don't get me wrong, I'm not getting stressed out for the hell of it. I have my reasons. But the amount of stress does not corelate with the events in my life. Looking at my life, I realize that there are a few dramatic things in it, but not so much that it should stress me out to this extent. That is why being a teenager sucks. Due to raging hormones and other various body chemicals, every single thing that happens in life seems like a giant...snake-viking-monster. With an ax. That shoots lightening out of the tip. And that's all I've got right now.

Just kidding.
Oh, and by the way, I realize that this is extremely unorganized, but please just cope with me. I need a little while to get back into the swing of this whole "blogging" thing.

Death.
At this point of the blog, you might be thinking something along the lines of "Oh, God. Yet another emo child". Just hear me out.
Some people, the fortunate few (alliteration is fun!), are lucky enough to have not become familiar with death...yet. Everyone has their run-ins with death. Either by dying or experiencing the death of a loved one.
Your first run-in with death is the one that stays with you for the rest of your life.
For those of you who have not dealt with death on a personal level, you should feel fortunate. Sure, you cried at the death of your favorite book or movie character. You got emotional as the hero of the movie fell of a cliff to his tragic death. You may have even had to deal with a friend who lost a family member.
But if you have not personally lost someone, you have no idea about the impact of a death.
When I was about six years old, I had a friend named Sasha. I went to a very small school in first grade, so everyone was friends with everyone else. However, inevitabley, certain people were closer to certain people than they are to others. I had four very close friends (Let's call them Alan, Cara, and Maria. I don't like using real names in blog posts. Well, except for Sasha. That was her real name, in case you were wondering). We sat with each other every day and we would always go out and play soccer during recess. One day, during class, Alan, Cara, Maria and I were sitting with our class in a circle on the floor when we noticed that Sasha wasn't at school that day. We just figured that she must have had a cold or something of the sort. Later that day, our teacher was called out into the hallway to talk to someone. When she came back into the classroom, her eyes were red and her brow was furrowed. She gathered us all into the middle of the room and told us that our friend, Sasha, had cancer. Leukemia, to be exact.
We had no idea what that meant. We thought it was probably something like strepp throat or the flu.
For the next few months, we barely ever saw Sasha because, as we were told, she was getting help at the hospital for her condition. I think that is the moment when we all realized how serious the situation was.
When Sasha finally came back to school for a few days, she looked completely different. She had lost tons of weight and she had no more hair (due to the chemotherapy).
Alan, Cara, Maria and I were playing soccer outside when Sasha came running towards us. We noticed that she looked different, but we didn't care. We all ran up and hugged her. After a few seconds, Sasha broke down crying and said "You guys still remember me!".
Those words still echo in my memory today.
I am extremely proud of how my group of friends reacted. Children are great. They don't care how you look. They love you for who you are.

A few months later, we were told that Sasha had passed away in her mother's arms.
Our class was excused to go attend her funeral. I couldn't stop crying during the whole thing. Her mother went up and gave the eulogy for her six year old daughter. I can't help but have a massive amount of respect for that woman. That must have taken a lot of strength.

I still think about Sasha every now and then.
Now, this post might seem pretty random, but I assure you that it is not.
Sasha died abou ten years ago this month.
The point of this is that death isn't something that is forgotten. You carry it around with you forever. The pain of loss, yes. But also the fond memories and the great influences that these people had on your life.