Back from the dead

Oh, hi!
Um...
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure I've addressed this topic before, but I am not good at re-introducing myself after extended periods of time.
So, we're just gonna jump on in and attempt not to drown in all of the awesome that is the internet.

I just realized that I am writing this and I have no idea in which direction I would like to take this...
So be prepared for a whole bunch of tiny paragraphs. Or not. We'll just have to see. Alright, here we go.

Harry Potter. It's my favorite book series of all time. You may or not be aware of this, but the first half of the final movie is coming out this week. "First half?" you say. "Yes, indeed." I explain "You see, this book to movie crossover is filled with so much awesome, that if the directors were to release the whole book in one movie, the world, nay, the entire UNIVERSE would implode upon itself. Imagine the Goblet of Fire. Now imagine the sum amount of awesome between myself and cookies. Now, put that into the Goblet. Now, multiply that by a million. If you did this correctly, the Goblet of Fire should be spilling awesome all over the floor". And although, Filch may not be very pleased with you getting awesome all over the rug (it stains, you know), the fact that that much awesome could be in a movie, would be overwhelming. So, yes, two Deathly Hallows movies. What? Where will I be while this exhibit of magic and wands *if you wish, you may insert a sexual innuendo here* is going on? At home. Probably reading Harry Potter and listening to depressing music while I drown my sorrows in cookies. Why will I be doing this? School. More specifically, the movie release is on a school night...
I think we should get rid of school. I feel like, if we did that, there would be less depression in the world. Because I know for a fact that I will not be the only one missing the premier due to school (that's what I keep telling myself, at least). If there were no school, there would be no missing movie premiers. Point proven.

OH! I just heard an MCR song in a commercial which reminded me: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE IS NOW GOING ON A TOUR AND COMING TO H-TOWN (my residence)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And guess who will be seeing them? That would be me. Yes, ma'am/sir. Best moment of my life? I think so!

Feet are just really weird. They are shaped awkwardly. I have big feet. It's ridiculous. Once, I was at the mall and this random small child came up to me and told me that I had huge feet. I told him that my feet were big because they were filled with secrets (Mean Girls reference, anyone?). They just kind of stared at me and ran away.

That is all for now!!

From out of the blue...

Ahem... Hello, Internet.
I know, it's been a really long time. I'm not good with saying goodbye... Or hello (as is evident from this awkward message), so I was just hoping you could maybe not question my prolonged absence? Maybe? No?... Damn. Okay, well, I will give a few vaguely general responses as to why I haven't blogged in a while. I was on hiatus. I was trying to find myself. I was dealing with some personal things. I was captured by homicidal hillbillies who didn't have wifi (talk about technologically incapable). I had homework. I was tired. *cough* So I was hoping that would be all good? Yeah? Alright, I love you, too. *hug* This is nice.
Alright, enough of that.
I was talking to one of my friends today and the topic of my blog came up, and she asked "You're still blogging, right?". To this I responded "...". This answer made her displeased. How do I know this? She gave me The Look. If have ever been a son or daughter (or both, we don't discriminate here), you will know the look to which I am referring. Let me give an example: You are sitting at dinner with your parents and they ask you why you didn't turn in your geometry homework, you respond with "Well... I was walking to school and I got mugged by some Math Ninjas. They are running rampant around the city...". Your mother/father (or both, again, we don't discriminate. And by 'we', I mean I don't) says "Kelsey, you don't walk to school. *insert look here*". No? Okay... Your parent or legal guardian tells you to clean up your room.
(ONE WEEK LATER)
You have not cleaned up your room. Your guardian approaches you and says "KELSEY, I TOLD YOU TO CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM! NO ONE WILL EVER WANT TO BE YOUR ROOM-MATE IF YOU ARE SUCH A SLOB!"... BAM! The Look is upon their face. Yes, so my friend gave me The Look. So, Micaela, this is for you.
*scuttles for something to say*
Oh, I got a new phone. His name is Hermagilde (pronounce Her-muh-gill-duh). Porpoise (my old phone) died. He was committed suicide. I was changing for my PE class (How permiscuous), and Porpoise decided that he didn't want to live any longer, so he flung himself from my pocket and landed directly into a sink. For some mysterious reason, the sink was filled with water. And I don't mean a small puddle of water, I mean a few inches of water. So, obviously, he is no longer in operation. Although, I still keep him by my bedside table. I think that's kind of creepy, actually... It's like keeping a dead pet on your bedside table. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night and glancing over at your deceased pet: "Oh, hey, Fido. How's it going?". I'm sorry, that was really sketchy...
Okay, I'm gonna stop talking (typing) before I get any creepier (which is bound to happen).
PEACE, MY HOMIES!

My excuse and Singing hamsters.

Um... *peeks out from behind computer screen*... Hi, everyone... *weak smile*
Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. But, I do have an excuse. At least for a few days. The last few I was just kind of tired.
So, at my school we have a laptop program wherein all of the students are given computers. I don't know whose idea it was to give a bunch of teenagers a bunch of expensive computers, but that's not the point. Since we are, after all, a bunch of teenagers, we are not exactly "gentle" with our lovely computers. Therefore the principal sees it fit to have a computer service location. Also known as The Cave (of sexual torture). That last part isn't the legit name. That would be inappropriate seeing as it is a Catholic school... Anyway, The Cavemen and woman ordered all of last year's freshmen to take their computers (I named mine Link-o Po Chink-o) to The Cave so that they may be updated to Windows 7!! Yay! Pretty! Okay, so my computer was away at The Cave for about three days. So that's part one of my excuse. Part two of my excuse exists of reading online comics, staying up late talking to my Chat Orgy (Yes, you read that correctly. No, it is not a real orgy. I am a good Christian girl...Sometimes. Heh heh), writing a book (which I haven't updated lately, but here's the link anyway: http://www.wattpad.com/493870-lights-cameras-disaster ), and watching Harry Potter and zombie movies with my friends... I feel like that is a decent excuse.

Now, I will go on to the portion of the blog wherein I whine and complain about things that annoy me! Yay!

Kia. They have very nice cars. I mean, they are pretty and they are environmentally friendly (or as friendly as a gas-guzzler can be). But there is one reason that has made me decide that I will NEVER buy a car from Kia Motors: wangster hamsters. Yes, wangster. Wanna-be gangster. Those less-than-ghetto-fabulous rodents from the Kia commercials get on my nerves. They all walk around with their doo rags on and try to be super-fly. (Reference picture) Now, don't get me wrong, the hamsters aren't the only part of the commercials that I hate with a burning passion that could fuel a thousand small towns for an eternity. I also dislike the music that is playing in the background of the "Soul Hamster" commercials. "You can get with this, or you can get with that. You can get with this, or you can get with that. You can get with this, or you can get with that." And it goes on and on and on. First off, I have no appreciation for a song that is put in motion to small rodents. Secondly, why would I want to "get with" a car. I feel like that would be at least partially illegal. Like.... Automotiphilia. Automotiviality (like bestiality. But with cars). So, no, Kia Hamsters. I will not be "getting with" any of your vehicles in the forseeable future.

And that's all I have to say on the matter.
Farewell!

Singing to flowers and Stairs.

Ahlo, everybody!

You may recall me mentioning the Corpse Plant at the museum in my last blog. She is amazing. Lois is. Last night I got really bored, so I decided to write a song for her. After thirty pain-filled minutes, my song was complete. I called it: An Ode to Lois. Very original, huh? Anyway, I posted it on facebook and it got many comments and likes. I enjoyed that. Then I brought my guitar to work this morning so that I could serenade Lois in person and, hopefully, persuade her to bloom. That didn't work... But! My song did catch the attention of a few museum employees, who, after recording me and my lovley assistant Stacey (she held the lyrics for me while I played), proceeded to post the video on the museum website. After I officially got off work, it was suggested that I go back to Lois and play for her some more because the crowd had gotten bigger. Yay! So I did. I felt awkward because people kept on coming up to me and asking if I was the one who played for the flower (No, I'm just carrying this guitar because I am a rebel. A rebel with a guitar). Then people were taking pictures of me and I didn't know what to do... So I just kinda smiled awkwardly and looked away. I don't deal with attention very well. By about 5:30, I was getting overheated and tired. So I played An Ode to Lois one last time (the security guard accompanied me that time because he had memorized the lyrics. He's cool like that) and then left. Fun times. *passes out*

*wake up*

Stairs: An invention made for people who actually have willpower. Not me. Every time I walk up the stairs, I get all tired. It's rather pathetic, really. My solution to avoid being all tuckered out: Get rid of stairs (Excercize? Never heard of it). I mean, this is the 21st century, after all. We have awesome things like laptops, iPods and electric bread-slicers. I think we should ditch the primative staircase and update it with something more modern. I think that every flight of stairs in America should be replace with an escalator. Not an elevator, because those things are scary and I don't like to be in confined spaces. And that's all I'm saying on the subject.

Sorry, this post was really short. But I literally feel like I am going to pass out. I promise I'll make up for it next time.

Bye bye!!

Corpse Flowers and uses for watermelon.

Ni hao!
I learned that yesterday at work. It's pretty cool, eh?

So, basically H-town has been abuzz with news of a Corpse Plant. "Corpse Plant? That sounds unhygenic! It kind of reminds me of Little Shop of Horrors, Kelsey." you say. "I know, huh?" I respond. This plant can be found at none other than *drum role* MY MUSEUM!! Okay, not "my" museum... But the museum that I work at. It's pretty awesome. Everyone that works there is very excited about it. It's pretty nerdy. My friends and I were getting really excited about it. As a matter of fact, my friend, let's call her June, and I devised a plan: Since I am just awesome, I get to leave the camp a little bit earlier than her. She instructed me to, once the clock struck 3, dart out the door and up the stairs (summer camps are held in the basement. Pretty cool, huh?), then to run down the main hall to the Butterfly Center (that's where the plant is being kept). She then instructed me to run back downstairs and tell her whether or not it reeked of rotting flesh. Oh, did I forget to mention why it's called the Corpse Plant? When it blooms, which is very rarely (this is the 2nd ever to bloom in Texas), it gives off a very strong stench... Of rotting corpses. So basically, everyone is sitting on pins and needles (that sounds painful), and wanting to get a whiff of the plant. Why? Because it's FRIGGIN' AWESOME!! Anyway, I completed the task given to me by June. I ran up the stairs and basked in the glory of the plant. But I was disappointed to find out that it had not bloomed... No rotting flesh smell for Kelsey. Or June. Or any of the good people of the museum. Sad day. I will continue to frequent the plant every day until it blooms. I will report when it does. And I will attach a stench to the computer so that you, too, may smell it's odor. That'd be pretty awesome...

Also, today I went to the party of one of my dear friends. This party was filled with "double rainbows", "snake-lizards", gongzooblers, and watermelon. My friends and I, being the good citizens we are, decided that instead of throwing away the watermelon seeds, we would return them back to Mother Earth. But simply planting them in the ground would not do. Not for us. We decided to have some fun. We decided to spit the seeds at on-coming traffic. Yes. Thinking about it now, the seeds didn't technically make it to the soil... It made it to the concrete. The asphault. So they won't really be...sprouting tiny melons. They will be...sizzling and...and dying.... Hm...
Anyway, I got to thinking, because I do that sometimes. I was thinking of possible ways that the humble watermelon could help us. Here are a few I came up with:
1) You can nom them. They are yummy, therefore, rather nommable.
2) You can use them as a stylish, biodegradable paper-weight.
3) You can use them to replace Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. Potatoes (potatos?) are SO last month.
4) You can scoop out their delicious core and use the rind as a helmet. So fun.

Alrighty then. That's all that I got for now.

Tune in next time on: THE INTERNET!

The Challenge and random facts about Yours Truly

*looks at clock* OH GOODNESS!! *runs to computer**begins typing hurriedly*

Hi, Blogspot!... What?... Did I forget that I was supposed to blog tonight? WHAT!? Of course not!
Ahem.

Before we start, I would like to inform you that my new favorite game is Catchphrase. My family and I got together tonight to celbrate a few birthdays. One thing led to another, and another led to Catchphrase. It's the coolest game ever. Look it up. I beast at it.

Now, 5 facts. Fact 1: There is a band called Breathe Carolina. Fact 2: They are hosting video challenge. Fact 3: The Challenge is called IDGAF ( I Don't Give A...Fruit). Fact 4: You must film a video of you (and, in my case, a few friends) being random and not giving a FRUIT. Fact 5: We. Will. Dominate. Our plan is to go to *insert local movie theater here* clad in exciting and entertaining garb. My costume will consist of a viking helmet, a cape, a Free Hugs shirt, some aviators (not real ones. Those are expensive), some brightly colored pants, and Frederick. My ukulele. My friends costume will consist of...well, we don't really know yet. But it'll be really intense. Anyway, our plan is for her to bring her FlipCam and tape us being the most annoying people on Earth. That won't be difficult, for me, at least. I, accompanied by Frederick, will be singing a song by Mr. Christopher Drew of NeverShoutNever. The song is titled I Love You. It's true. That I love you. Yes, you. Okay, so after I serenade the good people of *insert local movie theater here*, we plan to prance around and get free hugs from people. I will then have them write their names in my autograph book... I don't have one yet. But I will. Soon. I really need to stop writing in sentence fragments. People find it annoying. I understand why. There I go again. I'm doing it again. *SLAP* GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, KELSEY!

...I appologize...

Now, I figured that since you are reading this, you might like to know some random things about me! (That is Writer Speak for "I don't have anything left to talk about, so I'll bore you to death by talking about myself.")
1) My favorite color is red (Though, it has been known to change quite frequently.)
2) At this very moment, I am watching a new show called The Glades. It's a cop show. I really like those (There I go again, talking in fragments).
3) There's a show called Castle on ABC, perhaps you've heard of it? It's marvelous. My favorite show, as a matter of fact.
4) Citrus fruits are my worst enemy. I hate them. All of them, except for lemons.
5) If someone asks me what my favorite band is, they will soon regret it. I have about 7; I also have a list of why each band is my favorite. Which I will begin to explain. If I do, please stop me. It's just embarassing.
6) I have a Cinematic ESP (Or as I like to call it CESP). If you sit me in front of a movie screen/TV, I will be able to spot the perp (that's cop talk) within 3 minutes. If we aren't watching a cop show, I will be able to tell you what happens to each of that characters. Sometimes, I'm wrong, but those moments are few and far between (what does that even mean?).
7) I text. A lot. I text so much that I can text without looking at the screen or keyboard while holding on a conversation with someone sitting in front of me. I am the Multi-tasking Queen.
8) My favorite number between 1 and 9 is...8. That's why I chose to place this fact on number 8. I'm clever like that sometimes.
9) I wear shoes that are size 11. I get comments from strangers telling me that I have big feet. No, random stranger, I didn't know I had big feet. Thanks for keeping me filled in.
10) I can't think of any more facts.

A'ight. That's all. Now, go away. If you don't, I'll be forced to continue typing in sentence fragments.
I'm serious.

NIGHT NIGHT!!

The coolest job in the world and the BP oil spill.

*snore**wakes up suddenly* GET AWAY!!! Ahem. Yes. Not really. Please stay.

Hi, everyone! I just realized that this week has been really fun/horrible. Today I went to work at the museum. I may not have told you last blog, but this week I have been working in a Harry Potter class. The kids are ages 6 and 7... They are so cute! But they go to prove that looks can be decieving... This week we had a particularly large amount of kids with short attention spans. And one of them had ADHD. Now, don't get me wrong, I totally understand that ADHD is a disorder (hence the last D) that the kids can't control, so I get why they act out. I just wish they would do it in a less painful way... One kid (we shall call him Peeves since I worked in the Potter camp this week and because Peeves is a seriously deranged/mischievious poltergeist...polterghost? Poltergoose?) was apparently between his prescription medicines, because every day of the camp he just kept acting worse and worse until finally, on the last day, I wanted to stuff him in The Box. For those of you who don't know, The Box is where I send all of the Hell Children to (in my head, of course. Stuffing real children into a box could get me fired). Anyway, on the first day, Peeves decided that it would be fun to scream everything he said at the top of his lungs. The second day, he decided that it would be fun to run around the classroom and annoy me by stealing all of our supplies. Day Three: Peeves gets peeved at everyone for supposedly hitting his wizard hat and causing the delicatedly hot-glued jewels that graced the hat (that was sarcasm) to go "flying across the room". How did he solve this problem? He would kick and/or punch them. I was then sent to break up the fights... I got kicked. Multiple times.
Okay, now that I have gotten the complaining out of the way, I would like you to know that I actually really love my job. I mean, where else would I be able to dress up like a wizard, fully equipt with wand and cloak? Not at McDonald's, that's for sure. No disrespect, McDonald's... That is why I have the best job in the world. Oh, and we get pizza and ice cream. That's cool too.

Now, onto a serious subject: The BP oil spill.
It annoys me. A lot. This is THE BIGGEST environmental disaster in the U.S. ever. Way to go, BP! Snaps for you! No. No snaps for you, BP. I take them back. First of all, I think the Russians have something to do with this. I mean, Russia has beens sending over spies to find out stuff in the CIA. Why not BP? I believe the Russians were in charge of driving...erm...sailing a boat to where ever they were going when they decided that the good people on The Coast needed to be punished (KNEEL!). So they decided to drop a tiny bomb (cleverly/conveniently disguised as an iPod so that some of the blame may be sent to Steve Jobs if the iEvidence were to be discovered) into the water directly above the BP pipes. Obviously, the pipe bursted open, sending tons of oil cascading into the pleasant, murky water of the Gulf. I have come up with a few ideas of how to get rid of all of the oil and/or stop all of the oil from escaping from the pipeline.

1) We get a whole bunch of Sham-Wows and throw them into the Gulf. After all of the water has been soaked up by the wonderful Sham-Wow, we send in Peeves and a whole bunch of other small children to go clean up all of the oil. We then return all of the water to it's proper place.
2) To stop the leak, we will have to get it into more shallow water. I propose that we simply move the pipeline to another place. Now, you may say "Kelsey, you can't just push a pipeline somewhere else! It doesn't work that way!". Well, naive reader, my response is "Yes. We. Can! If Patrick (from SpongeBob) can do it, we can too! I mean, I'm pretty sure that we are more intelligent than a bunch of sea critters."
3) Throw a bunch of iron into the ocean. There was this politician in Washington DC, when my class and I were there, who said that doing that would get rid of global warming permanantly. That is also why I don't like politicians.

Alright, the last suggestion kinda sucked, but the other two were really good. Admit it. Ha...

Peace out, homies.