Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Tiny guitars, stuffed frogs and the economy

Hi!! *spastic moment*
I introduced myself in the last post, but that was while I was working on the Diabolical Duo. So, since this is a new blog (kind of), I have decided to re-introduce myself.
My name is Kelsey and I want you to join the zombie apocalypse! Or not. Whatever you're comfortable with.

Anyway, onto the blog!

I, being the musical virtuoso that I am (Ha... Even I had to laugh at that), have a room in my house devoted to musical instruments. In said room, I have: a piano, an organ, an acoustic guitar named Kennedy, an electric guitar name Jeffrey, a keyboard, various drums and harmonicas, and some stuffed frogs... Those were my dad's idea. Not mine. Quite honestly they kind of freak me out. Oh, I almost forgot to mention my prized possession! Frederick! He is my tiny guitar. He stands only 5 inches tall and has strings made of...well, string. My grandpa, in addition to giving me Kennedy, gave me Frederick. Fredrick now sits proudly on my piano....next to Hamilton the Harp-playing Stuffed Frog.
To be honest, I question my father's sanity sometimes. First of all, what would possess someone to go out and buy a slew of stuffed frogs playing various musical instruments, secondly, where the hell would one go about finding them, and thirdly WHY PUT THEM IN MY MUSIC ROOM!? Every time I try to remove them from my music room, they magically appear back in the exact positions they were in before. It's as if these tiny Mariachi Band of frogs was possessed by Lord Voldemort!!! Or not. I dunno. I think that the purchase of these little frogs is what caused our economy to crash. I mean, think about it: These frogs (sold at $5 a shot, as I have recently learned) first had to be caught by under-paid migrant workers, I figure that each worker was paid about $.50 per frog caught. Then, they had to be shipped to China. Now, as you and I both know, airfare has become very expensive as of late. So if you add the amount of money spent on air transportation for these frogs with the amount of money paid to catch them, it is about $500 per 89 frogs. After these frogs are brutally murdered by the Russian mafia (who must also be shipped to China, causing more spending) they must then be stuffed and dressed in tiny froggy clothing. I estimate about $309.40 spent for one frog (frog-clothing takes a considerable amount of tayloring). Now, seeing as they are only sold for $5, it is obvious that more money is lost from these sales than is gained. This led to our plummeting economy.

Thank you, love you, YEEHAW!!!

Afterword: More frog-related news! I was speaking with my dad this morning and he informed me that he got these frogs from Mexico (adding to the sum amount spent on each of these little buggers) and that they were also probably illegal. Why? Because they were treated with arsenic. You may be saying "Like, the poison Arsenic?!", to which I will respond "No, the dessert topping, you silly sod." (that is an almost direct quote from the conversation with my dad... but he didn't say "silly sod". I just like that.). So not only are these frogs poisonous to my eyes, they are also poisonous to my body if I were to lick one of these frogs... Why would I be licking frogs? That's for me to know and for you to never know.