Monday, January 31, 2011

Who says school is obligatory?

I am in World History class right now. We are being lectured at by a random man at the moment. I would be paying attention, but I don't know who this man is, so I am drifting off.

I've been thinking about my future a lot lately. Besides being discouraged by my counselor - she basically told me that I wouldn't be getting into the college of my dreams -, I am, overall, pretty optimistic about getting into college and getting a job.
When I was little, I wanted to do a lot of things. I wanted to be a dentist, a vet, a firefighter/cop, lawyer, doctor, stand-up comedian, journalist and, probably at one point, a Disney princess. I was an ambitious little child. Very inquisitive. Today I...well, I still don't know completely. But I have some ideas: forensic anthropologist/investigator, restaurant owner, oncologist, author, record producer, singer, psychologist, etc. As you can see, I still have a plethora of potential jobs, so not much has changed in that aspect. But these ones sound fancier!
College. Jeez, that's intimidating. Two and a half years away. Now, that's downright terrifying. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely excited for college (preferably out-of-state, but I have been informed by my mother that I will only achieve that dream if I win the lottery or get a million half-time jobs), but I am also kind of freaked out by the idea. I mean, the transition into high school was just completely blundering (that was right in the middle of my "awkward phase". Actually, that phase isn't over yet, but I have faith!). But college? Moving out of home to go to a school at least five times bigger than my current school? That's scary. But I still have high hopes for it. I'm not going to talk about the whole freedom bit (although, it's completely true) because it is overdone. I am simply looking foward to learning. Yeah, I know. I'm a nerd. What a shocker! I actually get to choose the classes that I want to take! Oh, and boys. Did I mention boys? I don't think I did. I go to an all-girls school currently... 'Nuff said. Co-ed school will be a nice change.
Okay, I know that right now I'm all pumped about all of the freedom of college and stuff, but to be perfectly honest, I bet you that I will be one of those kids who spends tons of money to go to college out of school (maybe I will marry rich) only to get extremely homesick. After which I will probably drop out of said college to return home and take classes at a local community college...



Not really though. I mean, I'll get homesick, but not that much.

Alright, awkward man has stopped talking, so I should pay attention to the teacher now.

Farewell, brethren!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

A Serious Post

Okay, obviously, I haven't been keeping up with this blog.
So I'm not going to promise to keep up with it, but I'm going to post every now and then when I have time.
This post is going to be really long. If you don't feel like readin it, feel free to skip.
Just saying.

Alright, we're jumping in here. I have no idea what I'm going to talk about. It's like bungee jumping off of the Golden Gate Bridge with a jump rope. Wait...that doesn't actually make sense. Never mind that. Ach, I don't know what I'm doing. This is just really awkward.

Okay, I'm ready.

Being a teenager really sucks sometimes. I know, typical teenage outlook on life. But honestly, it does. I mean, I have been so stressed out lately, it's ridiculous. And, don't get me wrong, I'm not getting stressed out for the hell of it. I have my reasons. But the amount of stress does not corelate with the events in my life. Looking at my life, I realize that there are a few dramatic things in it, but not so much that it should stress me out to this extent. That is why being a teenager sucks. Due to raging hormones and other various body chemicals, every single thing that happens in life seems like a giant...snake-viking-monster. With an ax. That shoots lightening out of the tip. And that's all I've got right now.

Just kidding.
Oh, and by the way, I realize that this is extremely unorganized, but please just cope with me. I need a little while to get back into the swing of this whole "blogging" thing.

At this point of the blog, you might be thinking something along the lines of "Oh, God. Yet another emo child". Just hear me out.
Some people, the fortunate few (alliteration is fun!), are lucky enough to have not become familiar with death...yet. Everyone has their run-ins with death. Either by dying or experiencing the death of a loved one.
Your first run-in with death is the one that stays with you for the rest of your life.
For those of you who have not dealt with death on a personal level, you should feel fortunate. Sure, you cried at the death of your favorite book or movie character. You got emotional as the hero of the movie fell of a cliff to his tragic death. You may have even had to deal with a friend who lost a family member.
But if you have not personally lost someone, you have no idea about the impact of a death.
When I was about six years old, I had a friend named Sasha. I went to a very small school in first grade, so everyone was friends with everyone else. However, inevitabley, certain people were closer to certain people than they are to others. I had four very close friends (Let's call them Alan, Cara, and Maria. I don't like using real names in blog posts. Well, except for Sasha. That was her real name, in case you were wondering). We sat with each other every day and we would always go out and play soccer during recess. One day, during class, Alan, Cara, Maria and I were sitting with our class in a circle on the floor when we noticed that Sasha wasn't at school that day. We just figured that she must have had a cold or something of the sort. Later that day, our teacher was called out into the hallway to talk to someone. When she came back into the classroom, her eyes were red and her brow was furrowed. She gathered us all into the middle of the room and told us that our friend, Sasha, had cancer. Leukemia, to be exact.
We had no idea what that meant. We thought it was probably something like strepp throat or the flu.
For the next few months, we barely ever saw Sasha because, as we were told, she was getting help at the hospital for her condition. I think that is the moment when we all realized how serious the situation was.
When Sasha finally came back to school for a few days, she looked completely different. She had lost tons of weight and she had no more hair (due to the chemotherapy).
Alan, Cara, Maria and I were playing soccer outside when Sasha came running towards us. We noticed that she looked different, but we didn't care. We all ran up and hugged her. After a few seconds, Sasha broke down crying and said "You guys still remember me!".
Those words still echo in my memory today.
I am extremely proud of how my group of friends reacted. Children are great. They don't care how you look. They love you for who you are.

A few months later, we were told that Sasha had passed away in her mother's arms.
Our class was excused to go attend her funeral. I couldn't stop crying during the whole thing. Her mother went up and gave the eulogy for her six year old daughter. I can't help but have a massive amount of respect for that woman. That must have taken a lot of strength.

I still think about Sasha every now and then.
Now, this post might seem pretty random, but I assure you that it is not.
Sasha died abou ten years ago this month.
The point of this is that death isn't something that is forgotten. You carry it around with you forever. The pain of loss, yes. But also the fond memories and the great influences that these people had on your life.