Thursday, January 27, 2011

A Serious Post

Okay, obviously, I haven't been keeping up with this blog.
So I'm not going to promise to keep up with it, but I'm going to post every now and then when I have time.
This post is going to be really long. If you don't feel like readin it, feel free to skip.
Just saying.

Alright, we're jumping in here. I have no idea what I'm going to talk about. It's like bungee jumping off of the Golden Gate Bridge with a jump rope. Wait...that doesn't actually make sense. Never mind that. Ach, I don't know what I'm doing. This is just really awkward.

Okay, I'm ready.

Being a teenager really sucks sometimes. I know, typical teenage outlook on life. But honestly, it does. I mean, I have been so stressed out lately, it's ridiculous. And, don't get me wrong, I'm not getting stressed out for the hell of it. I have my reasons. But the amount of stress does not corelate with the events in my life. Looking at my life, I realize that there are a few dramatic things in it, but not so much that it should stress me out to this extent. That is why being a teenager sucks. Due to raging hormones and other various body chemicals, every single thing that happens in life seems like a giant...snake-viking-monster. With an ax. That shoots lightening out of the tip. And that's all I've got right now.

Just kidding.
Oh, and by the way, I realize that this is extremely unorganized, but please just cope with me. I need a little while to get back into the swing of this whole "blogging" thing.

At this point of the blog, you might be thinking something along the lines of "Oh, God. Yet another emo child". Just hear me out.
Some people, the fortunate few (alliteration is fun!), are lucky enough to have not become familiar with death...yet. Everyone has their run-ins with death. Either by dying or experiencing the death of a loved one.
Your first run-in with death is the one that stays with you for the rest of your life.
For those of you who have not dealt with death on a personal level, you should feel fortunate. Sure, you cried at the death of your favorite book or movie character. You got emotional as the hero of the movie fell of a cliff to his tragic death. You may have even had to deal with a friend who lost a family member.
But if you have not personally lost someone, you have no idea about the impact of a death.
When I was about six years old, I had a friend named Sasha. I went to a very small school in first grade, so everyone was friends with everyone else. However, inevitabley, certain people were closer to certain people than they are to others. I had four very close friends (Let's call them Alan, Cara, and Maria. I don't like using real names in blog posts. Well, except for Sasha. That was her real name, in case you were wondering). We sat with each other every day and we would always go out and play soccer during recess. One day, during class, Alan, Cara, Maria and I were sitting with our class in a circle on the floor when we noticed that Sasha wasn't at school that day. We just figured that she must have had a cold or something of the sort. Later that day, our teacher was called out into the hallway to talk to someone. When she came back into the classroom, her eyes were red and her brow was furrowed. She gathered us all into the middle of the room and told us that our friend, Sasha, had cancer. Leukemia, to be exact.
We had no idea what that meant. We thought it was probably something like strepp throat or the flu.
For the next few months, we barely ever saw Sasha because, as we were told, she was getting help at the hospital for her condition. I think that is the moment when we all realized how serious the situation was.
When Sasha finally came back to school for a few days, she looked completely different. She had lost tons of weight and she had no more hair (due to the chemotherapy).
Alan, Cara, Maria and I were playing soccer outside when Sasha came running towards us. We noticed that she looked different, but we didn't care. We all ran up and hugged her. After a few seconds, Sasha broke down crying and said "You guys still remember me!".
Those words still echo in my memory today.
I am extremely proud of how my group of friends reacted. Children are great. They don't care how you look. They love you for who you are.

A few months later, we were told that Sasha had passed away in her mother's arms.
Our class was excused to go attend her funeral. I couldn't stop crying during the whole thing. Her mother went up and gave the eulogy for her six year old daughter. I can't help but have a massive amount of respect for that woman. That must have taken a lot of strength.

I still think about Sasha every now and then.
Now, this post might seem pretty random, but I assure you that it is not.
Sasha died abou ten years ago this month.
The point of this is that death isn't something that is forgotten. You carry it around with you forever. The pain of loss, yes. But also the fond memories and the great influences that these people had on your life.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, Kelsey. I knew that when I clicked on your blog, I would find a gem. The thing about gems is...they're buried under all of this dirt. The stuff that most people would rather overlook. A truly terrible thing that makes you wonder why you're stuck in the middle of this. In this case, it's the situation you had to go through, the one that you are still in. But right there, there's something really beautiful, in the midst of the sadness and pain. This is going to sound overused, but it's love.

    You're right, I cannot begin to imagine what you had to deal with. But you made it clear that it affected you. No one should have to deal with such a sudden death, especially of a close friend at such a young age.

    The Kelsey I am used to seeing is generally extremely happy. Always quick to care for her friends. And they love her for it. And then there are times when I notice you are a bit down. And I never truly understood.

    My prayers go out to you, and to dear Sasha and both of your families.

    You are amazing and beautiful. And anyone who is a friend of you also deserves my respect and care.

    I hope that you can continue to write posts, as this drew out an emotional side we seldom see.

    Much love~